Understanding God’s Heart On Marriage

Marriage is being radically redefined to reflect the world’s cultural norms and climate rather than the biblical model and God’s heart. God created marriage to be a covenant relationship that showcases the love and respect, harmony and symphony that exists within the Godhead. It was meant to be the closest tie between a man and a woman, each uniquely fashioned to reflect His image, fitting into one another to attain a wholesome oneness. This oneness and togetherness would foster a safe and secure environment for raising a godly generation and help administer the world in harmonious consensus and cooperation.

Sin corrupted this whole plan, skewing both the image of God and the purpose of marriage, the most intimate of all relationships. God corrected and restored the deviation from His design through the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Yet, we don’t live in ideal times or a perfect world, and therefore, God revealed His household order through the letters of Paul to the churches. God, in His wisdom, has fashioned these to overcome and nullify the effects of the Fall, not to restrict or restrain us or curtail our freedom.

Let’s examine what we need to do to enjoy, not endure, marriage and successfully negotiate His purposes in it.

1. Set your heart aright with the true purpose.

God intends us to be holy as He is holy and reiterates this in His Word. Marriage is the greatest tool and closest relationship by which God works to prune, mold, and transform us to be like Him. God’s holiness gives Him completeness and blessedness. The goal of marriage is holiness, while happiness and joy are the natural outcomes of such a focus.

Today, the focus on happiness makes people leave marriage when they don’t ‘feel’ happy. Joy in marriage comes from knowing we’re seeking to live by His principles. It’s the byproduct of living according to His will, not our own standards, selfish desires or fleshly urges.

2. Grasp the essence of the relationship.

The marriage covenant is till death do us part unless there is a total danger to life and living and not a contract that gives us the license to leave when something fails. We need to work at it and be patiently steadfast in it. God ordained the marriage relationship to portray to the world His unfailing love and commitment to His people, as evidenced in the book of Hosea. The church is called the bride of Christ, and the apostle Paul writes about it being espoused to Christ as a pure virgin. His Word shows us how He works in this relationship and does not give up on us even when He has cause for it.

We bear His DNA, and we need to do the same—work at salvaging and saving our marital relationship. God is the author of our relationship, and He stands by us, helping us in our struggles to fulfill His calling.

3. Realize the spirit of the marriage order.

God made the partnership of two spiritually equal human beings, man and woman, with the man bearing the primary responsibility to lead the partnership in a God-glorifying direction. God has called the man, with the counsel and help of the woman, to ensure they serve the purposes of God and not follow the sinful urges of either member of the partnership. The Biblical structure in marriage is not to destroy or decry our equality but to guard the marriage from the effects and impacts of sin and enable the home to be a place of peace and rest. This authority pattern harks back to the creation order, where a man was created first, and the woman was created as his co-partner or helper. It ensures the smooth functioning of the family unit and contributes to the well-being of His Church.

Let’s remember that the Holy Spirit is called our Helper in the Bible, and wives have the same status in marriage as the Spirit of God Himself.

4. Seek His help and imitate Him in marriage.

Biblical standards demand and expect the man to exercise authority in love that works for the best of the spouse and the woman to submit willingly, not grudgingly. The man and woman are to imitate Christ; he is in love with his wife, and she is in submission to him. Both are asked to look to Him as an example to emulate in their relationship.

Often, we look to the world, our peers, or others around us for guidance. We take our cues from them on how to handle our marriage. God is the author of marriage, and Christ is the role model to whom we must look, both for standards and help to sustain marriage. Seek Him, Who is the third party in the covenant and the thread that binds us. He is there with us to solve and resolve our issues and help build our marriage.

5. Safeguard your marital relationship.

Prioritize your marriage and seek to protect it from all interference or instigation against it.

Value one another as the single most important person in your life, even above your own kids or other people such as parents or pastors.

Safeguard your relationship by being transparent with one another, and don’t be too busy not to spend time with each other.

Don’t ever disrespect or dishonor one another in public, but let love cover a multitude of faults.

Learn to discuss and sort out issues, considering yourself to be on the same team.

Guard your heart from developing a bitter root by being merciful and forgiving of faults.

Ask God to fill you with His love through the Holy Spirit to deal with resentment or any other negative emotion.

6. Be accountable to and part of a community of disciples.

Every marriage needs other marriages to help and bolster the living by the Word and be active in a community of faith. Being accountable to other godly couples will help expose the deceitfulness of our hearts and be aligned with our spouse. Mentoring by an older couple with whom you meet regularly will help you manage marital conflicts wisely and calmly. Just by venting to a godly senior of the same gender, you would avoid rash actions while benefiting from their wise counsel.

Small issues can escalate and create huge misunderstandings if you don’t have the right perspective. Older couples who have sustained their marriages have strength, stamina, wisdom, and acumen through experience. Seek their help to grow in discernment and maintain equanimity amidst trouble.

Above all, the prayers of many will protect you, overcoming feelings of loneliness or abandonment as you build your marriage in an uncertain world.

Marriage is at the heart of God’s plan to have a people and at the core of the church’s mission to be His family. Stable marriages create safe homes to raise a godly generation and provide a place of rest for God and His people.

May we work together as a couple to make marriage a garden as God intended and not a wilderness as the evil one made it to be!