Reflecting on Your Marriage: 14 Questions to Ask as You Enter the New Year

When you’ve been with the same person for a long time, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut in your relationship. We settle into routines in life, and our spouses can become part of the background because they’re always there.

When you lose that daily connection and communication, trouble arises. How can we be intentional about loving our spouses well and strengthening our marriages this year?

Tend to Your Marriage

Every living thing, even houseplants, needs proper care and attention to survive. You can’t look at them wilting away and just hope they’ll be okay (believe me, I’ve tried!)

Our marriages are the same way.

If you notice you and your spouse are drifting apart, you can’t just say, “It’s fine. Once things slow down, we’ll get back on track.”

If you’re looking for the right time to start prioritizing your marriage, it’s now. Start by asking yourself these questions:

“Do I act like we’re on the same team?”

You and your spouse are one! It may not feel like it when you’re in disagreement, but that’s when it’s most important to remember. You’re teammates for life.

You’re not competing against each other to win arguments or prove points. You want the best for each other and are working together toward common goals.

“Is my marriage the kind of partnership I want for my children someday?”

If you have children, they’re watching and learning from you daily! They see it all—the good, the bad, and everything in between! They pick up on tension, hear your tone, and witness your nonverbal communication.

Let’s let our children see an unbreakable bond between two imperfect people. Let’s show them what it looks like to live peaceably with one another, displaying honest and respectful communication, grace, laughter, forgiveness, support, and tender affection.

“When was the last time I prayed for my spouse?”

And not a “Lord, help him to see how wrong he is” prayer!

We should pray regularly for our husbands:

• To be devoted men of God who love spending time in the Word and lead our families in Christ.
• For his health, rest, strength, and energy.
• For his heart; to be encouraged, pure, and uncorrupted.

“Am I loving my husband in his love language or mine?”

It’s easy for us to think we’re doing a good job loving our spouses.

However, sometimes, the way we show love may not be how our husbands feel love, and vice versa.

This might require an open conversation. “When do you feel the most loved? Is there something else I could be doing to make you feel more loved?”

“Am I respectful towards my husband, privately and publicly?”

The advice I heard a long time ago that has stuck with me is, “Don’t correct your husband in front of others.” While there’s much more to respect than this, it demonstrates a form of public respect.

Another factor is how we speak about our husbands when they’re not around. Are we complaining about them or speaking positively of them?

“Am I putting less effort into our relationship than when we were dating?”

Do you remember those early days of dating when you were talking constantly and trying to spend every free moment you had with one another?

I know life changes, and we’re all probably busier than we were then, between kids and jobs and life’s other responsibilities.

Regardless, put in the effort.

Keep getting to know each other:

• Ask questions.
• Check-in throughout the day.
• Give random hugs and kisses.
• Plan a date night.
• Go for walks together.
• Have conversations that don’t revolve around work or kids.

Whether you’ve been married one year or 57, keep dating your spouse!

“What am I grateful for about my spouse?”

How often do we, as humans, tend to dwell on the negative things? Not just in our marriage but in life. Take a moment to think about what you love about your spouse, write a list, and then tell them how much you appreciate them!

“Am I communicating honestly in my marriage?”

Often, it feels easier to keep “peace” by not saying anything, though I’m convinced this only leads to resentment and further damage.

Have the tough conversations. Tell your spouse what’s on your heart and how you’re feeling, good or bad.

While you’re being honest, though, remember #5 (respect)! Truth must be spoken in love.

“How am I serving my spouse?”

Society tells us to look out for number one, but God calls us to serve one another. In our marriages, we should humble ourselves and seek ways to serve our spouses.

Are we supporting and encouraging them? Are we doing little things throughout the day to show we love them?

“Am I giving my husband the best of me?”

Our spouses are the ones who get to see all sides of us (lucky them!) They see us when we’re overwhelmed, emotional, and impatient. They see us in our most raw and vulnerable states.

While being comfortable enough to share that side of yourself with your spouse is important, they should also see us at our happiest and most compassionate when we’re light-hearted and silly!

Sometimes, we give our best to others during the day, to our coworkers or friends, and by the time we get home to our spouses and children, we give them whatever’s left.

Try to be more intentional about giving your best at home whenever possible.

“Am I preparing my own heart in my marriage?”

We might find ourselves praying for God to change our spouses’ hearts on certain matters, but are we praying for our hearts as well to be cleansed and softened and open to God’s will?

“Have I been expecting my husband to fulfill the role that only Christ can?”

Are we setting unrealistic expectations in our marriages? Do we expect our spouse to be perfect and never let us down? Are we putting our worth in their words or actions?

We have to remember that our spouses are only human, and we can’t rely on them to satisfy us; only God can.

“Where do I see my marriage 20 years from now?”

Do you want to be that couple who argues all the time and can’t stand each other, the couple who’s only still together out of convenience or obligation?

Or do you want to be that couple who’s more in love than you’ve ever been, still making each other laugh and truly enjoying each other’s company?

That kind of relationship doesn’t just happen, and it’s not up to chance or fate. It happens by the choices you make every day, starting now.

“Are we moving toward Christ together?”

The best thing we can do for our marriage is keep it centered on Christ. When both spouses seek God daily, it prepares us to be better reflections of his love in all areas of our lives, starting with our marriages.

New Year: Marriage Anew

As we enter this new year, let’s reflect honestly on the state of our marriages and seek God’s wisdom to make them stronger than ever.