How to Maintain Unity When You Disagree Politically

Everyone knows John 3:16. But in terms of familiar passages, Mark 10:7-9 ranks right up there: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”  At a wedding, even non-Christians could probably recite the words by rote before the pastor even announces a couple as husband and wife.

When two people enter into the marriage covenant, they make vows to love, honor, and cherish each other for life. However, becoming “one flesh” doesn’t mean you will always think the same, act the same, or respond the same way as your spouse.

God created us as individuals with unique giftings, experiences, ideas, and personalities. So, disagreements are bound to happen. Sometimes, even picking a place to eat can stir up some intense fellowship with the person you love the most. However, the stakes can feel higher when you disagree politically, especially given a culture focused on division. To maintain unity in your marriage despite any opposing political perspectives, follow these 5 practices.

1. Root your identity and your marriage in Jesus.

During a particularly intense campaign season, it can be so easy to let our political views become the central focus, but the truth is, our relationship with Christ–and becoming more like Him–should define us, not our opinion on a particular issue. Our identity is in Him, not a candidate or a political party.

If political disagreements start to strain your relationship, remind yourself that your worth and the strength of our marriage don’t come from being “right” but from your shared faith in the One who loves us all perfectly. Ephesians 5:25 instructs us, “husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Build your life and marriage on the foundation of that kind of radical, self-sacrificing love. Be rooted in it.

When discussions get heated, take a breather. Remind yourself of Jesus’ command to love one another. Consider creating a cooling-off phrase or signal that you can use to pause the conversation. Step away and spend some one-on-one time with the Father.

2. Embrace humility and love.

In the middle of an argument, we can all easily get caught up in the need to be “right” or to prove our point. But, in a marriage, you’re on the same team, even if political opinions might place you on different sides of an imaginary aisle. Your marriage and commitment to each other are the priority, not winning an argument.

Philippians 2:2,3 tells us to “make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” To be like-minded doesn’t mean we need to be carbon copies of one another. Instead, it’s an invitation to embrace Christ-like attitudes—loving and accepting one another despite differences.

God wants you united. Set aside your pride and approach these conversations with the unconditional love that Jesus models. When you lead with compassion and a desire to build each other up rather than win the moment, you create a home (and marriage) where unity flourishes. So, make it a habit to check in with each other after an argument. If needed, apologize and offer forgiveness right away to prevent resentment from taking root.

3. Listen to understand.

Often, we get so caught up in formulating a rebuttal that we stop truly listening (please tell me I’m not the only one!). But to move forward in unity, we need to choose to listen—not just with our ears but our hearts. Listening to understand focuses on nurturing the relationship rather than getting bogged down in ideological differences.

Active listening means setting aside your agenda and preconceptions and giving your full attention to what your husband is trying to share. Notice his words, tone, and body language. Summarize what you hear him saying, such as “What I hear you saying is…” And ask questions to gain a deeper understanding of his perspective. For example, ask: “Can you tell me more about why you feel that way?” or “What’s most important to you in this situation?” Or you can simply say, “Tell me more about that.”

4. Find your common ground.

You can find common ground even if you don’t see eye-to-eye on every issue with your husband. It would help to focus on those shared values and beliefs rather than letting your disagreements consume your relationships.

Think about why you fell in love and got married in the first place. Chances are those core reasons–your love for Jesus and your commitment to family–haven’t changed. You might say to your husband, “We may see this differently, but we both want what’s best for our family.”

5. Pray for each other.

Your marriage needs prayer every single day. It’s a simple and powerful way to keep your hearts and minds (and relationship!) tethered to God, the very source of love.  The Message translation of 1 Peter 4:8 encourages us to “Stay wide-awake in prayer. Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything.”

Loving your spouse well doesn’t mean you must agree on everything. However, it does mean you need to keep seeking God’s will and asking Him to strengthen your relationship, especially during disagreements. The enemy will try to divide you by using your political differences to plant seeds of discontent and anger. He makes no secret about his agenda. But prayer combats those attempts and focuses on what truly matters: your commitment to your marriage and to Jesus.

When political differences arise in a marriage, it can create tension and misunderstandings that may feel difficult to navigate. However, praying for your marriage and your husband during these times is essential because it invites God into the situation, helping to bring clarity, peace, and understanding.  If you’re unsure what or how to pray for your marriage, try these 6 prayers for a better marriage or these prayers to enhance unity in your marriage.

Our sister site, iDisciple, offers more resources for communication and conflict in marriage