How to Grow Together When Your Faiths are at Different Stages

Marriage is a unique bond, the closest tie, and the best relationship that God can and will use to help us grow in faith and the knowledge of the Son of God. As iron sharpens iron, we can and should help one another progress, for we have been joined together to reflect His nature as a couple.

To do so, we need some special skills, understanding, and sensitivity to each other. Then, we can boost and enhance our relationship rather than deconstruct or destroy it!

Accept the person as they are and not as they ought to be.

Each of us comes with different gifts, talents, experiences, backgrounds, skills, and weaknesses. No one is perfect, but each is a blend of plus and minus. Acceptance of one another just as they are, will give a sense of security. It is not that you are blind to their shortcomings, or you deny their faults. Understanding that Christ accepts and loves us as we are, should make us do the same for our spouse.

Appreciate what they have and do not focus on what they don’t.

Focusing on what is already there will make you thankful for their good points. It will also help you not to harbor negative thoughts about them. Do not judge them or put them down with words or looks when you note their lack of faith. Seek instead how you may help them handle or overcome it. Be their aide, not their adversary, so that you don’t become a tool for the enemy instead of God!

Seek the Lord’s insight, wisdom, and timing when wanting to help your spouse.

He is the Master Craftsman, fashioning our spouse according to His will. We are only partnering with Him to do His bidding in His time. God knows when to correct what and how to go about doing it. So, asking for His help will prevent insisting on something that even He is not demanding from them. A knife can be used to heal or harm, and so you must be careful to be the instrument of God to bring healing and righteousness, not wounds!

Ensure that your help is given for their benefit, not yours.

Our intention should be to come alongside our spouses and help them overcome something that is crippling their overall progress and growth in Christ. It is not to pinpoint their weakness or ridicule their shortcoming but to aid them in their inability. Our proximity to our spouse will amplify their defects in our eyes, and so we should never do it with an attitude of superiority or a better-than-thou complex. It is important to make them feel respected and valued rather than small and insignificant, especially when they trip up constantly.

Be the first to ask for help rather than wanting them to ask you.

The Bible says that except a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it cannot bear much fruit. When you model what is right, your spouse will also begin to open up to ask for help. Be ready to accept help before you give it so that it is all about mutual encouragement. Do not demand changes from the other if you do not want to change or even accept the fault that is in you.

Give space and time for them to change.

Don’t demand change when you want it but allow them to set their own pace. Too often in marriage, we make demands for ourselves and at our convenience. Bullying or insisting that the other person show some life alteration is very destructive to building a relationship. The marital bond is quite delicate and should not be put under pressure unnecessarily. Our aim shouldn’t be to pinpoint faults but just to come alongside to give a boost. We can make or break a person’s psyche and ego (meaning self-esteem) with our input—genuine and good, though it may be—if we are not time-sensitive.

Be wise in your course of action and the way you communicate with your spouse.

Abigail and Esther stand out as women of great diplomacy and tact when it came to dealing with their spouses, who had made mistakes—one in arrogance and the other in ignorance. Both women sought to rectify the situations with delicacy and discernment, going out of their way to act in a manner that changed the course of life and history. The result is that both women came to positions of prominence and proximity to power and authority. Our help to our spouse should draw us closer to each other, not alienate us from one another. The enemy is ready to split Christian and godly marriages, and we must not give him room to maneuver us.

Wait for them to catch up with you in areas where you have expertise.

One of my mentors told me how she had led her husband to Christ and was well ahead of him in the things of Christ. For a season, she stepped back from preaching and teaching until he caught up with her, and then they began ministering together as a couple. By the time I met them, one could not even differentiate anything amiss between them in their wisdom and teaching. If we don’t take pains to do this, we may end up each going our way and lose intimacy. The Word of God points out that the mark of maturity is the ability to go the extra mile, and we ought to take care to ensure that the other is given a helping hand in walking together. The one who is ahead should slow down and wait, while the one who is behind should make every effort to catch up.

Be a person of prayer more than ever when dealing with your spouse’s negatives.

It is important to trust God to fill what is lacking in us and our spouse, and our prayer closet should be where we battle on our knees. When we pray, we will see changes in our spouse, especially when we do it according to His will and with the earnest desire for them to progress in faith.

Never become tired or lose hope when it comes to your spouse.

Always expect things to change, and never become weary of well-doing. God never gives up on us, and we shouldn’t give up on our spouse. We must continue to expect changes and transformation to happen since, as we do our part, God will do His. We cannot bring any change in anyone, but He can, and therefore, we need to hold on until we see our desire come to reality.