6 Ways to Invite Wonder Back into Your Relationship

One of my husband’s favorite movies is That Thing You Do, written, directed, and starring Tom Hanks. The film follows a fictional band’s rise to stardom. This fictional band calls themselves The Oneders. Everyone they meet throughout the story points out the misspelling. At the heart of this band is the interworking relationships.

By the end of the movie, they have corrected the spelling – Wonders. They go by the former because they only have one hit song. This reminds me of marriage in a way. It is supposed to be one hit song with your favorite person.

What often happens while we get busy navigating this obstacle course that we run called life is that we lose some of our sense of wonder, and that loss often happens in and around the only other human that matters

The thing to remember is we can choose to invite wonder back into our relationships. In fact, it never truly leaves us. It all comes down to our “Oneder” and only. Let’s discuss six ways to go about inviting wonder back into our relationships.

Smile and Flirt

Every journey starts with a smile…and maybe a little flirting. This is where we demonstrate who we are, which ignites a flame of interest in getting to know more. There is a truth in this stage—a take-me-or-leave-me vibe.

Ephesians 4:25 (NIV) tells us to “put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” Even when you have been married for years, keep in mind that speaking your truth has the potential to remind your spouse why they fell in love with you in the first place and vice versa.

Date

We always grow the need to date, even in marriage. This gets harder to pull off after kids, with work and the stresses of life, but take the time. When we make a concerted effort to spend time enjoying a meal or movie or whatever with our spouse, we have the chance to know them as their whole self outside of the roles that we often see as our cemented and only identity as moms and dads.

There was an I before we, and there was a U before the kids. All of those sub-selves are valid, but to bring wonder back into our marriage, remember to appreciate the person who led to the life. 2 Corinthians 5:7 says, “For we live by faith, not by sight.”

Intimacy

The word intimacy without any context often alludes to sex. But to ignite or reignite wonder in your relationship, all forms of intimacy should be covered, including sex. God wants us to have a high level of intimacy with one other person – our spouse. This also includes communication and emotional support.

Don’t forget Genesis 2:24 (NIV) instructs us to become one flesh with our spouse.

Compliments

“You look handsome today.” “Gosh, you’re pretty.” Do you remember giving and receiving compliments? At this stage in marriage, compliments don’t have to be just about outward appearance.

A couple of weeks ago, I was about at the end of my rope with the stall tactics our youngest employs at bedtime. If putting off slumber were Olympic support, we would have the Gold. Anyways…

My husband was half asleep when he overheard the conversation. Our six-year-old was insisting he build a fort for his stuffed animals. My husband offered him a playful solution for stuffie storage that our son absolutely loved, and five minutes later, he was off in dreamland.

The next day, I was sure to tell my husband what a great dad he was. My husband practiced and demonstrated Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) for our kiddo: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

This diffused our little boy and got him to sleep much faster. Speaking gently is also where compliments start.

Time

My husband and I dated for a year, were engaged for a year, and were both in college for the first few years of our marriage. From there, we began our careers. All this time seemed slow until we looked up and realized we had a mortgage, debt, jobs, and three kids.

Here is the thing, friends: Just as I said earlier, we all had lives before we shared one. And as we answer questions from our kids, who genuinely seem awed at the thought of us as their parents ever having been young and in their shoes, we need to take the time to nurture the relationship that led us to the life we dreamed of way back when.

I love to look at old pictures and remember our moments. It is particularly lovely when my husband sits down with me to stroll down memory lane.

It is so important in relationships to take the time to spend with one another. Enjoy each other’s hobbies together, work together, or perhaps take up a new hobby as a couple.

Remember the sage advice of King Solomon in Ecclesiastes 9:9 (NIV), “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and your toilsome labor under the sun.”

We had time together before the kids, and the truth is that our time with them at home is fleeting. If we take the time in the present to nurture wonder in our relationship, it will help sustain us in the future.

Remember

Take the time to remember your history together. Hold it in reverence and teach it to the kids. Love brought you together. I had that epiphany recently. Look what that love did in your life. Remember it in all the wonder that it is.

The wonder in marriage is arguably where “love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other. Faithfulness springs forth from the earth, and righteousness looks down from heaven.” just like Psalm 85:10-11 (NIV) says.

Marriage is Like Stew

Phil Horace says to Lenny in That Thing You Do, “A hit record is like a stew. All the ingredients have to come together just right. Otherwise, it’s just soup.” This applies to our discussion here. If we gather the ingredients we need, we can see the decadent wonder in our relationship.

After all, wonder has been there all along. Sometimes, we just need to take time to bring it out into the light and enjoy it. Remember Amos 3:3 (NIV): “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” On tough days, look at that person—your person—and remember why you agreed to walk together. That is where the wonder lives.