10 Ways to Love Your Husband When He Doesn’t Feel ‘Loveable’

Have you ever tried to love someone who doesn’t feel loveable? It isn’t easy because they often rebuff your affection. That’s especially difficult when the person you’re trying to love is your spouse. To truly show love to someone, it helps to understand why it’s necessary.

We could start by answering a question: What is love? Let’s start with what scripture says it is not. Love is not envious, boastful, rude, or self-seeking. It does not keep a record of wrongs, nor does it delight in evil. Love is about patience, kindness, protection, and trusting each other.

Chapter 13 in 1 Corinthians is the perfect place to start when looking for ways to love your husband. Learning to show the love illustrated there takes practice, but it is well worth the effort.

Why is loving your spouse so important? Psalm 85:10-11 teaches us, “Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other. Faithfulness springs forth from the earth, and righteousness looks down from heaven.”

Here are ten ways you can love your husband even when he doesn’t feel lovable.

Tell Him You Love Him Everyday

This one seems obvious, but sometimes we get so distracted by life that maybe we forget to tell our husbands that we love them. They like to hear it. They need to hear it.

Romans 12:10 gives us good advice, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Proverbs 3:3-4 encourages that we not only tell our husbands that we love them but that we should write it on the tablet of our hearts.

Flirt with Him

Flirting is a cute way to show your husband love. It’s easy to flirt when you’re on a date or during those romantic moments, but have you ever thought about flirting while you do mundane household tasks? 1 Corinthians 16:14 says, “Do everything in love.” That includes the dishes! My husband and I have been married for 21 years, and it is still fun to flirt with him.

Physical Affection

1 Peter 4:8 reminds us to love each other deeply. One way to show the depth of your love is physical affection. Cuddle up together on the couch, hug and kiss. Women don’t always need physical intimacy to feel loved, but men connect that way. Most men enjoy it when their wife initiates intimacy.

Love Notes

I find that the simple act of jotting down a love note reminds me of the love I feel for my husband and helps me in ridding myself of negative thoughts/emotions, as Ephesians 4:31-32 tells us we should. I like to leave my husband’s notes in places I know he will find them.

Show Interest in His Work and Hobbies

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one.” Asking how work is going shows your husband that you are interested in things that concern him. It also gives him a chance to vent.

My husband loves music. He plays guitar and enjoys collecting and working on them. When we were dating, I’d ask him about guitars and bands he liked. He liked that I was interested. I often got invited to go with him to guitar shows or shops. I still ask questions and enjoy going on excursions with him.

Show Appreciation For His Contributions

This is important. I try to make sure to say thank you to my husband regularly. He is always happy to help cook dinner, run to the store or bathe the kids to give me a break. He works hard every day to bring home the paychecks that pay the bills and buy the groceries (and we have three boys, so the grocery funds go fast). He demonstrates Galatians 5:22-23 in how he treats me and our children. I need to be sure he knows how much we appreciate him.

Listen to Understand

Ephesians 5:22-33 gives clear instructions for husbands and wives. “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord. Each one of you [husbands] also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Practicing listening to understand your husband shows respect for him, which also shows him he is understood and loved.

Protect Your Time Together

Ecclesiastes 9:9 is an instruction to husbands: “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and your toilsome labor under the sun.”

This seems like an instruction for wives as well, though. We should not prioritize time spent with other people over time with our husbands. We are to enjoy our time together under the sun.

Spend Time Together

Matthew 19:6 reminds us that we need to be together physically and spiritually. When we were dating, a “date night” might be dinner and a movie or seeing a band play. Twenty-one years and three kids later, date nights look a little different. Our fourteen-year-old often babysits so we can run to the grocery store together. Sometimes, we splurge and get a “Happy Hour” drink at Sonic or an iced treat from our local coffee shop. Spending time together is a prime way to love each other.

Show Him You Need Him

When your husband knows that you need him, he also knows how special he is and, therefore, how loved he is. Ephesians 4:2-3 says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” He is my person in this world. He is always patient and gentle with me. I would argue that most husbands will feel loved when they know how very much their wife needs them.

Love is an Action

As you can see, there are many ways to love your husband when he doesn’t feel lovable, and you might notice that all of them require action. Feeling the feelings doesn’t let your husband know he is loved. You need to act on those feelings and let him know he is valuable and loved, especially when he doesn’t feel loveable.