Being single can be really tough sometimes. (I know I felt that way — you too?) There’s a lot of wondering. Waiting.
Asking ourselves, “Why haven’t things fallen into place for me yet?”
“Should I be waiting on God’s plan for me? What does that even mean?”
“How do I make sure I’m making the most of this season while also preparing myself for whatever’s next?”
I asked all these questions (and many more) when I was single. But through mistakes, growing pains, and the guidance of really wonderful friends and mentors along the way, I found some answers. I found some answers that helped me see singleness as a gift, a season to become the woman I’ve always wanted to be, to start living the full life I’d always wanted to live. I found answers that transformed my single years into a time of wild, wonderful growth — a chapter of investing in myself, in my friendships, and in my relationship with God.
The best part? The changes I made are things you can do too, and that’s what we talk about in my online course, Love Your Single Life. (The course helps you transform this season of waiting into one of passion, purpose, and preparation!) I absolutely love getting to pass along the lessons I learned, and one of my very favorite things is to get to hear from women who are putting the course into practice!
A few weeks ago, my dear friend Kait and I had a girls night (another one of my favorite things!). And as we were talking, she shared with me how she’s living these lessons out in her own life. She’s really doing this, really living her single life to the full, and I just loved hearing her talk about the three habits she’s focusing on most.
Friends, the topic of singleness can be so big and broad. Today I want to give you something you can put into practice right now. This is what Kait is focusing on in her single life, and you can do the very same thing.
Here are three habits you can cultivate in your life today to become your best self in this season.
I have discovered that when we don’t love ourselves, it’s really hard for us to feel loved by another person. When we don’t believe we’re worthy of love, nobody can convince us otherwise, no matter how well they love us! That’s why it’s so important for ourselves and our future relationships that we learn to love ourselves. Self-care is a true win for everyone. The healthier we are, the healthier our current and future relationships will be. When we are healthy, we are better daughters, girlfriends, wives, friends … taking care of ourselves makes our relationships better every single time.
For Kait, self-care looks like scheduling “me” nights on her calendar. She writes it down, guarding those precious hours just like she would if she’d scheduled a night out with friends. And over time she’s started looking forward to these “me” nights just as much!
This is something I do in my life as well. Sometimes that looks like having a girls night by myself (pizza, chick flicks, and PJs — I’m the happiest). Other times, it looks like taking myself out for a date. For the last year or so, I’ve been taking myself out to lunch every Thursday!
It doesn’t matter what your self-care routine looks like. It can be whatever is most refreshing to you. Maybe that’s going out for coffee or taking a bubble bath. Maybe it’s going for a long walk or long drive or reading a great new book. But whatever it is, it’s important.
Friend, it’s all too easy to neglect self-care especially when we need it most.
“IF YOU’RE FEELING BURNED OUT, DEPRESSED, OR LONELY, I PROMISE YOU WILL FEEL A DIFFERENCE IF YOU INVEST IN YOURSELF.”
Sign up for a new course, find a counselor, buy that prayer journal you’ve had in your online shopping cart for weeks. Show yourself some love and schedule time to relax the way you want and need most.
The beauty is that the time you spend investing in your relationship with yourself goes beyond making your life better today. Having a healthy, connected, loving relationships with yourself will also pay off in huge ways in all your relationships in the future.
2. SOUL CARE
If you focus on just one thing while you’re single, make it this. Start spending daily time with Jesus. When you do this, you will start to learn the truths God says about you. And you will start believing Him. Trust me, this soul care will change your life.
Kait believes in practicing silence, solitude, and stillness during her soul care — and I agree! She takes a few minutes each day to quietly focus on reading the Bible or walking in nature while she intentionally notices the beautiful world around her. She calls these her “worship walks.”
My suggestion is to carve out time to spend with God each day, even if it’s just a few minutes.
One of the things I like to do is walk around my favorite park in Nashville. Sometimes I listen to music, sometimes I walk in silence. But either way, I love that time because I’m able to hear from God so much better. I leave the park feeling so filled up.
And the best part of cultivating a soul-nourishing routine while you’re single is that you can carry it right into marriage. It will make your marriage better too. I know it did for me!
A heart for serving others is so important no matter what season we’re in. But there is something so special about our season of singleness. We don’t have the same responsibilities as we do when we’re in committed relationships. There are so many opportunities you have for giving back! It’s also a perfect way to meet new friends… and yes, even guys (whose hearts are focused on Jesus!).
Here is exactly what Kait said to me about cultivating a habit of service (I just love her words!): “We get caught up in our lives, our girls’ nights, Netflix nights. That’s awesome, but also have servitude in your life. A heart for those outside your circle gives you perspective. A heart for the oppressed is a heart for God.”
Isn’t that amazing? Kait spends her service time volunteering at a prison fellowship. When I was single, I did humanitarian work all over the world. You can still serve (and travel) when you’re married, of course. But this is a really great way to spend your time while you’re single.
I can promise you’ll be a better person because of service. Because of the experiences you will have and the people you’ll meet, you will become kinder, wiser, and braver. Also — pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is also a great time to practice those soul care habits, no matter which country you’re in!
Friends, this is such a beautiful season of your life. I know it doesn’t always feel like it, but I believe with my whole heart that God has amazing things for you in this time. And I know that if you do everything you can to soak them in and make the most of them (with self-care, soul care, service… and plenty of adventures and girls’ nights!), it will pay off so much in your single life, in your dating life, and in your marriage as well.