5 Simple Rhythms For Reaching the Heart of Your Child

Wouldn’t it be nice if our parenting strategies were one size fits all, and we could carbon-copy what works for one child and pass it down for others without alterations, in a hand-me-down sort of way? However, we know the truth that God has tailor-made each child with a unique personality; therefore, strategically connecting with our children beyond the surface-level routines and daily homework is critical for reaching their hearts.

As parents, it can feel exhausting to attempt to connect with a child on different levels. While there is no shortcut to authentic relationships, allow these simple rhythms to help you reach your child’s heart and keep the conversations going.

Live Life Together

As I prepare to launch my daughter to college this year, one thing I am beyond grateful for—is the intentional choice to live life together during her formative years. We know parenting is all about the long game, but be encouraged. Connection with our child is not always something “else” that has to be scheduled or pursued. Sometimes, it’s leveraging what we are already doing intentionally.

Connection is often as simple as including our children in our daily tasks, yet so often, we miss key opportunities in the name of productivity or ease. Simple does not mean easy, but the connection is always worth the pursuit. Try taking your child on grocery store runs, allowing them to help you in the kitchen, and including them in home projects to see where the conversation takes you. Side-by-side activities like driving in the car or going on a walk may open doors to deeper things but in a casual way. This intentionality in an everyday routine can help establish a solid foundation for time spent in heart-level conversations.

Embrace Humility

One of the most effective ways I’ve discovered to reach a child’s heart is to connect with them on their level. Even in our authority, we can embrace humility, acknowledging that, as parents, we don’t have all the answers. This allows our children to recognize that we were once their age and made mistakes, too. Maybe we didn’t always tell the truth in pursuit of self-preservation or failed a test because we didn’t study. Perfection sets an impossible standard, so we do not need to pretend perfection if we truly desire the ear of our children.

One way to embrace humility is to laugh at ourselves openly along this journey. Keep it light even in the hardships of life. Allow honest vulnerability to open the door to deeper heart conversations. The more we remind our child that we walked through difficult and awkward seasons of life as well, the more we create a safe and understanding space for connection.

Stay Curious

Another strategy that may seem like common sense is to stay curious about our kids. They are not the only ones learning every day. As parents, no matter what our vocation, we are invited to be students of our children. With unlimited distractions, I fear we are growing content with status quo relationships rather than seeking out ways to learn who they are developing into as humans.

If you desire a deeper connection with your child at heart level, then study your child. What is the best time to engage in a conversation? What are their passions? What are their strengths and weaknesses? How has God designed you or given you experiences to help them as they navigate through life? As you seek to learn about your child, use that knowledge and insight to guide you into meaningful layers of relationships.

Chase the Fun

Early on, as a mother of young kids, I adopted this motto: chase the fun. My own parents modeled what it meant to pursue a child’s heart through the hardest of times with a side of fun. Whether it is a fun meal out just because or a mid-week movie night, keep the parenting journey fresh and fun to allow for spontaneous heart conversations.

The world offers our children heavy burdens and anxiety-filled milestones, so as parents, let’s pursue joy-filled moments together. Heart conversations don’t have to be hard conversations. So, how can you pursue connection in a substantive but equally fun way? Play a game, take a meaningful road trip, or engage in “would you rather” prompts. It is easy in a full schedule to forget to make space for fun, so keep it at the forefront of your parenting mind and see where the fun takes you. Chances are, these are the memories that will make for meaningful moments and deeper intimacy with your child.

Remember Your Helper

If the concept of connecting with your child amid growth spurts and adolescent emotions terrifies you, take heart. You have a helper. Romans 8:26-27 reminds us that “the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us”. So, pray often. Pray with your child. Pray scripture over your child, especially in the moments when anxiety steals your words or your heart aches beyond comprehension.

You do not navigate this road alone. We can call on God to help guide our speech as we seek to steward these years with our children well. More importantly, recognizing that God ultimately is the Savior our children need frees us as parents to continue showing up every day in whatever way we can. Further, when we prioritize prayer, our eyes stay awake to the opportunities to reach their hearts rather than parenting for performance.

Overall, let us follow the example of our Creator. “For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7 ESV). As we seek to reach the hearts of our children, our hearts will be changed, filled with humility, and equipped by the Spirit for every good work now and always.