Article Image
Article Image

Mind

Heart

3 Things Your Husband Isn't Saying Out Loud


Topics:

Marriage


Your husband wants sex? 3 things he’s not saying out loud:

  1. “I need to feel desirable.” We women may think sex is just a physical need for a guy, but that’s not most of what is going on. When his wife responds to him – or initiates it herself! – it meets a deep emotional need to feel that his wife desires him.                                                                                                                                                            
  2. “I love you and want to be closer to you.” We women want to feel close outside the bedroom in order to feel close inside the bedroom. But for many men, when they feel tension in the air, when there’s distance, when they know something’s just not right… they miss their wife. For a man’s biological chemistry, in fact, sex is one of the only times that his brain releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, which brings a great feeling of closeness with someone. When he reaches for you, you may think, I cannot believe he would want sex now, when we’re at odds / fighting /distant. But instead, realize: he’s reaching for you in order to get back that feeling of closeness with you that he is longing for.                                                                                                                                                 
  3. “I’m really vulnerable right now.” Because sex is more of an emotional need than a physical one for him, many men in my research told me there is no time more insecure, scary and vulnerable than when they approach their wives in that way. They are essentially laying their “desirability” and their heart out in front of you and asking, “what do you think of me?” Without realizing it, when we are tired or just not in the mood, it is easy to brush him off in a way that cuts that vulnerable heart deeply. Now, just to be clear, this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t have a say in the matter! Of course, there will be times we simply aren’t able to respond. But when that happens, it is even more critical that we show him how much we care, how much we love him, and (with a saucy wink) that we need to make a date for another night!


Article Image

Shaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before becoming a social researcher, best-selling author and popular speaker.  Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace.  Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, have sold more than 2 million copies in 23 languages and are widely read in homes, counseling centers and corporations worldwide. To inquire about Shaunti speaking for your group, contact NDuncan@shaunti.com.


Get Family Christian in your Inbox!

Sign-up for one of our newsletters and get more great stories and products sent directly to you each week!

Error Message
Share Icon

Get Family Christian in your Inbox!

Sign-up for one of our newsletters and get more great stories and products sent directly to you each week!

Error Message