How to Strengthen the 4 Pillars of a Godly Marriage

Four key pillars support a God-centered marriage. These pillars grow throughout the lifetime of our union. Nurturing them takes time, effort, and patience, but the result strengthens our relationship as husband and wife on a spiritual level.

The four pillars are:

1. Commitment
2. Trust
3. Respect
4. Communication

Let’s look at how we can nurture each of these pillars.

Commitment

There are always three involved in the commitment area of Christian marriage. The hierarchy is God, husband, and wife. Our first commitment must be to walk with Jesus and aim to lead the life He wants us to.

When both partners commit to Christ, our marriage organically reflects that commitment to our spouse.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 (NIV) instructs married couples to enjoy life with their spouse, while Mark 10:9 (NIV) discusses the life-long nature of marriage and the fact that no one can separate the couple that God brings together. How can we strengthen our commitment to each other?

1. Pray together.
2. Show appreciation and gratitude for one another.
3. Serve each other.

If our commitment to God shines in our marriage, we can receive the fruits of the Spirit, which is “love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23, NIV).

Trust

Trust is paramount in relationships, especially marriage. Proverbs 31:11 (NIV) speaks of the trust that a husband must have for his wife, but it can also be applied vice versa. Psalm 85:10 (NIV) says, “Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other.

When we have trust in our husband or wife, we feel safe. How can we build and strengthen trust with each other?

1. Be consistent,
2. Honesty is the best policy.
3. Set and respect boundaries.

Galatians 6:2 (NIV) tells us that we must trust each other in order to carry each other’s burdens.

Respect

When commitment and trust are practiced, mutual respect is earned. What does respect mean? By praying together, showing appreciation for one another, going the extra mile to take care of each other, consistently treating our partner with care, being honest, and not crossing our partner’s boundaries, we show love and respect.

The scriptures discuss love and respect in marriage. “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

Colossians 3:19 (NIV) tells “husbands [to] love your wives and do not be harsh with them,” while Ephesians 5:22 (NIV) instructs,” Wives, [to] submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord.

How can we build and practice mutual respect? Through:

2. Showing support and encouragement.
3. Share fondness and admiration.

Communication

Communication is the pillar that can make or break a relationship. Marriages will break down when one or both parties don’t communicate effectively. By contrast, when we communicate well with our partners, we show them commitment, trust, and respect.

Take Proverbs 18:21 (NIV), for instance. The wise King Solomon addresses the importance of communication in terms of life and death: “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Communication is not just about talking. James 1:19-20 (NIV) cautions us, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

How can we learn and practice effective communication in marriage?

1. Use “I” messages.
3. Ask questions.

Like Building Muscle Strength, Strong Marriages Build Over Time

Marriage takes work to maintain. It is two very imperfect people who love God and each other and work at it every day. My husband and I have been married for twenty-one years.

We still have days when we get it wrong, but every day, we are committed to our marriage. Sometimes, we don’t communicate well. Maybe he’s tired after work. Maybe all day with the kids has me frazzled by the time he comes home. We have a rule, though—we don’t go to bed angry, and we get up the next day and try again.

I like to think about marriage as a dream home. Love is the foundation, and the pillars of commitment, trust, respect, and communication are the beams behind the walls. They support the structure of the house that marriage is.

My husband and I work hard to protect our house. We try to live out Ephesians 4:32 (NIV), which tells us to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”