Healing Through Life’s Firsts

As I stood in the kitchen, cooking salmon cakes and cabbage for the first time after my husband passed away, the familiar aroma filled the air with memories that both comforted and haunted me. Preparing one of his favorite meals—mixing the ingredients, heating the skillet—was a painful reminder of his absence but also a step toward moving forward. Life’s “firsts” after a loss—hearing a favorite song, celebrating a birthday, or taking steps toward new relationships—are heavy with grief yet full of potential for healing and renewal.

The idea of moving forward without him felt impossible. How could I possibly move on without him? But as I sat down to eat, tears streaming down my face, something inside me shifted. It was almost like Reggie’s spirit whispered that life still held new experiences and joys for me.

At that moment, I realized moving forward didn’t mean leaving him behind—it meant carrying his love with me into the future.

Life’s firsts, while difficult, are also opportunities for healing and fresh starts, reminding us that God can create something new from the ashes of loss. Whether preparing your first solo meal, traveling alone, or simply facing another day, these “firsts” can feel heavy. But they also bring opportunities to grow, build resilience, and find inner strength.

Each new experience is a chance to learn more about our God, ourselves, our capabilities, and our world. But how do we face these “firsts” when weighed down by grief or pain? For me, the answer is faith—trusting in God’s promises and His guidance toward healing. Let’s explore how we can heal through life’s firsts with faith and their emotional and spiritual impact.

The Emotional and Spiritual Impact of Life’s Firsts

Life after loss brings a series of firsts, each with emotional and spiritual significance. These moments can feel like stepping into uncharted territory, where the familiar rhythm of life has been forever changed. In Matthew 6:33, Jesus encourages us to “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.” The Greek word for “seek,” zēteō, goes beyond merely looking for something—it reflects a deep, intentional search to recover and heal what’s been lost.[1]

For those of us navigating life’s firsts after a loss, this act of seeking is not just about moving forward. It’s about rediscovering joy, purpose, and the faith that sustains us. Each first invites God to heal our brokenness, trust Him in the restoration process, and allow His presence to renew us in ways we never imagined possible.

What Makes Firsts so Difficult?

The difficulty of firsts lies in their power to simultaneously evoke memories of what was and confront us with the reality of what no longer is. Going on a trip or celebrating the first birthday without them can trigger a wave of emotions. These moments often feel like a collision between past and present, exposing wounds that haven’t yet healed.

Watching someone else lead the choir in one of Reggie’s favorite songs brought a flood of grief. Yet, in those moments, I learned to trust God to hover over the pain and prepare my heart for renewal.

In When Your World Ends, I explore this emotional upheaval. In Chapter 4, I describe this place as “limbo,” where our old life has ended, but our new life hasn’t fully taken shape. It’s an in-between space filled with confusion, uncertainty, and, often, intense grief. In this space, every “first” feels like a reminder of what’s missing and a daunting step into the unknown. It’s where we feel stuck, unsure of how to move forward.

As difficult as these firsts are, they are sacred opportunities to seek Him and trust God’s creative process—to know that God is with us, hovering over our pain and working to bring new life and purpose out of our grief.

Biblical Strategies For Facing Life’s Firsts

Life’s “firsts” can feel overwhelming, but they also offer sacred opportunities to engage in God’s creative process of rebuilding. God’s transformative work often begins in the very spaces where we feel most broken. Though heavy with grief, these moments invite us to partner with Him in restoring our lives. By embracing intentional strategies grounded in faith, we can navigate these firsts with courage and hope.

Strategy 1: Acknowledge the Emotional Weight

The first step is to acknowledge the emotions tied to a first—like a holiday or favorite activity—as an invitation from God to heal and draw closer to Him. When I cooked salmon cakes and cabbage for the first time, I felt everything—the sorrow of Reggie’s absence, the warmth of cherished memories, and the uncertainty of what lay ahead. In doing so, I realized that God wasn’t asking me to ignore my grief but to meet Him in it. By embracing the emotional weight, I opened the door for His comfort and healing.

Strategy 2: Seek God First

Jesus’ words in Matthew 6:33 take on new meaning when navigating life’s firsts after loss. The term zēteō here implies an active, ongoing pursuit of God—critical in moments of transition and uncertainty. By actively seeking God’s presence and guidance during these firsts, we open ourselves to His comfort and direction.

When faced with a “first,” seeking God might look like starting the day with prayer, turning to Scripture for strength, or simply inviting Him into the moment. During my journey, I discovered that prioritizing my relationship with God—through prayer, worship, or journaling—brought peace in the midst of brokenness. These practices transformed each “first” from an insurmountable obstacle into an opportunity for spiritual growth.

Strategy 3: Create New Traditions

When I cooked salmon cakes and cabbage for the first time after Reggie’s passing, it was more than just preparing a meal. It was about preserving a piece of Reggie’s legacy while beginning to rebuild my sense of normalcy. Creating new traditions, like lighting a candle, starting a new hobby, or hosting a meal to honor a loved one’s memory, is an intentional act of rebuilding that transforms grief into something meaningful and allows God to work through the process. It allows us to carry the love and memories of our past into our future.

Strategy 4: Lean Into God’s Timing

As we face these firsts, it’s important to remember that healing unfolds according to God’s timing. Though some days feel dark, we can trust He is working within us, preparing our hearts for His light to shine when the time is right.

By applying these biblical strategies, we can approach life’s firsts not just as challenges to endure but as opportunities for growth, healing, and deepening our faith. Remember, each first is a step on your journey of rebuilding, and God is with you every step of the way.

Life’s firsts after a loss are challenging, but they’re also sacred milestones in our healing journey. By acknowledging our emotions, seeking God first, creating new traditions, and trusting His timing, we partner with Him in His creative process, allowing Him to transform our grief into renewal.

Take a moment to reflect on your own firsts. How can you invite God into those moments and let Him guide your healing? Share your experiences in the comments or with someone close. As you face these challenges, remember that God’s presence will sustain you, His promises will guide you, and His love will bring you to a place of restoration and peace.

[1] Greeven, H. (1964–). ζητέω, ζήτησις, ἐκζητέω, ἐπιζητέω. In G. Kittel, G. W. Bromiley, & G. Friedrich (Eds.), Theological dictionary of the New Testament (electronic ed., Vol. 2, p. 892). Eerdmans.